Dealing with a child custody matter can feel confusing, especially when friends, family, or the internet offer conflicting advice. With so much misinformation out there, it’s easy to worry about things that simply aren’t true.

Many misconceptions about how custody decisions are made can add extra stress or create tension between co-parents. Below, we break down five common myths and explain the realities so you can navigate this process with clearer expectations and confidence.

Myth #1: Courts Automatically Award Custody to the Mother

A long-standing belief is that mothers always end up with custody. While this may have seemed more common years ago, that stereotype no longer reflects how courts approach custody today.

Judges now begin with the assumption that both parents should be evaluated equally. Their primary goal is determining what arrangement best supports the child’s well‑being. This includes looking at who manages daily routines, the strength of each parent’s relationship with the child, what each household can offer, and how each parent’s schedule affects their ability to provide care.

Because of this balanced approach, many fathers are granted joint or even primary custody when it aligns with the child’s best interests. The central concern is ensuring the child has a safe, nurturing environment—regardless of whether that comes from the mother or the father.

Myth #2: Children Can Decide Which Parent They Live With

Another common misconception is that once a child reaches a certain age, they get to choose where they live. While a child’s opinion may be considered, it is never the only factor the court relies on.

Judges may give more weight to the preferences of older or particularly mature children, but they also look closely at the reasons behind the preference. A desire for fewer rules or more screen time typically carries less influence. On the other hand, wanting to stay at the same school or remain close to established friendships may be more relevant to the judge’s decision‑making.

Sometimes the court appoints a guardian ad litem (GAL) to speak with the child independently. The GAL shares the child’s thoughts and needs without forcing the child to take sides. Even so, the final decision remains with the judge, who must review every relevant detail to determine what arrangement genuinely serves the child’s best interests.

Myth #3: Joint Custody Always Means a 50/50 Time Split

Many people assume that “joint custody” means a perfectly even division of time, but that isn’t necessarily the case.

Custody actually has two parts: legal custody, which focuses on who makes major decisions, and physical custody, which determines where the child lives. When parents share legal custody, they typically collaborate on decisions about education, healthcare, and other major aspects of the child’s life. But sharing legal custody does not automatically mean the child will spend equal time in each home.

The actual schedule depends on the family’s unique circumstances—including the parents’ work commitments, the child’s school schedule, and how far apart the households are. Courts aim for a routine that supports stability and consistency for the child, not a mathematically precise time split.

Myth #4: Full Custody Eliminates Child Support

Some parents believe that gaining full custody means child support ends, but custody and child support are two separate issues under the law.

Child support exists to ensure a child benefits from the financial support of both parents. When determining support, courts consider household income, healthcare needs, childcare costs, school expenses, and other essential needs.

Even when one parent has full physical custody, the other parent may still be required to contribute financially. The purpose of child support is to maintain stability and meet the child’s needs—not to reward one parent or penalize the other.

Myth #5: Parents Can Block Visitation If Support Payments Stop

This myth can cause serious problems. Even if the other parent falls behind on child support, you cannot legally withhold visitation.

The law treats custody and support as entirely separate matters. If payments are missed, the appropriate response is to return to court or work through legal channels—not to limit the child’s time with the other parent.

Court systems have several ways to address unpaid support, such as wage garnishment, fines, or license suspension. However, they aim to protect the child’s relationship with both parents. Cutting off visitation can harm your own case and may even be viewed as violating the court’s orders.

By handling these issues through the court, you safeguard your rights and demonstrate that you are committed to acting responsibly and in your child’s best interest.

Need Support Navigating a Custody Issue?

If you’re considering updating a custody arrangement or feel your current situation isn’t working, talking with someone experienced in family law can make a big difference. You don’t have to navigate this challenge on your own.

Reach out to discuss your options. The right guidance can help you take the next step toward a more stable and supportive future for both you and your child.